Holy moly, folks. I certainly hope you didn't miss this month's Tuesday Funk, because if you did... you are a CHUMP. We started off fast and furious with Ted Goeglein's true story of robbing a strip joint and then, remorsefully, trying to give the money back. You'd think that would be a tough act to follow, but then Claire Zulkey nailed it with a tale of decadence and mystery... with a touch of life-swapping. Co-host Andrew Huff dropped some sweet haiku on us, and then Patricia Skalka cleaned up the first half with a teasing and sinister excerpt from her novel Death Stalks Door County.

There was much schmooze and drinking of booze.

After the break, co-host Eden Robins made us worry about her sanity with her micro-essay, and then former TF co-host Sara Ross Witt charmed and alarmed us with the story of some kids who accidentally watched a porn about goat-men. Finally, Ted McClelland had us all agape when he talked about his now-posthumously-famous neighbor, street photographer Vivian Maier.

You just had to be there. Hopefully you'll be there next month on July 1st when we have fabulous readers Lisa Kirchner, Norm Doucet, Evan Okun, Sheri Reda, and Julia Gray!

Hoo boy, have we got a treat for you. I'll give you three hints - it's tonight (TUESDAY), it'll be FUNKy, and ... well, that's probably enough hints.

It's Tuesday Funk #70, y'all! With special guest stars Claire Zulkey, Patricia Skalka, Sara Ross Witt, Theodore Goeglein, and Ted McLelland! And, of course, what reading would be complete without the vocal stylings of your favorite co-hosts, Andrew Huff and Eden Robins.

Our readings take place at Hopleaf Bar, 5148 N. Clark St. in Chicago. We get started promptly at 7:30 pm in the upstairs lounge. Arrive early if you want a seat--but no earlier than 7:00 pm. Our readings are free, but only those 21 and over will be admitted. No food can be brought in from the restaurant. See you there!

Since 2002, Claire Zulkey has run the blog Zulkey.com, which has been mentioned in the New York Times, New Yorker and by Anderson Cooper himself. Claire is also a freelance writer, and the author of An Off Year, published by Dutton in 2009, which was nominated as one of the ALA's 2010 Best Books for Young Adults. She runs the literary humor reading series Funny Ha-Ha, which is celebrating its tenth anniversary with a big reunion show on September 19. By day she writes for the University of Chicago which is also cool.

Please join Claire and all our other cool readers on Tuesday, June 3, 2014, upstairs at Hopleaf at 7:30 pm. This 21-and-older event is free.

With publication of her first novel - Death Stalks Door County - Chicago writer Patricia Skalka makes the gigantic leap from a successful career as a nonfiction writer into the unknown morass of fiction. So far, it's been a lot of hard work, an enormous amount of fun and more satisfying than she'd ever imagined. Released earlier this spring, the book has already gone into a second printing.

This former Reader's Digest staff writer includes waitressing, blogging, baling hay and ghost writing among her many talents. In her second appearance at Tuesday Funk, Patricia arrives from two terrific book launches -- one in Chicago and one in beautiful Door County - and ready for this coming weekend's Printer Row Lit Fest.

Please join Patricia and all our other multi-talented readers on Tuesday, June 3, 2014, upstairs at Hopleaf at 7:30 pm. This 21-and-older event is free.

Ted (T.M.) Goeglein is the author of the young adult series Cold Fury from G.P. Putnam's Sons/Penguin. Cold Fury was published in July 2012 and the second installment, Flicker & Burn, was published in August 2013. The final book in the series, Embers & Ash, will be published in July 2014. He lives in Andersonville with his wife and children.

Please join Ted and all our other ampersand-loving readers on Tuesday, June 3, 2014, upstairs at Hopleaf at 7:30 pm. This 21-and-older event is free.

Edward McClelland was born in Lansing, Mich., in 1967. Like so many Michiganders of his generation, he now lives in Chicago. His book, Nothin' But Blue Skies: The Heyday, Hard Times and Hopes of America's Industrial Heartland was inspired by seeing the Fisher Body plant across the street from his old high school torn down. After getting his start in journalism at the Lansing State Journal, he later worked as a staff writer for the Chicago Reader. His book The Third Coast: Sailors, Strippers, Fishermen, Folksingers, Long-Haired Ojibway Painters and God-Save-the-Queen Monarchists of the Great Lakes won the 2008 Great Lakes Book Award in General Nonfiction. Ted's writing has also appeared in The New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Columbia Journalism Review, Salon, Slate, and The Guardian.

Please join Edward and all our other Midwest-loving readers on Tuesday, June 3, 2014, upstairs at Hopleaf at 7:30 pm. This 21-and-older event is free.

Sara Ross Witt is the former co-host of Tuesday Funk and a graduate of The New School MFA in Creative Writing program. Her writing has appeared in Black Market Lit, Best of Ohio Short Stories, Arch City Chronicle, and Parent to Parent. Currently, she reviews books based on their covers with a bunch of badass literary chicks who call themselves Hard Cover Lovers.

This summer, Sara will be reading from her short story collection as part of the acclaimed Shakespeare in the Park in Columbus, Ohio on August 8 and 9.

Sara lives Chicago's Uptown neighborhood with her husband Andrew Witt - bassist for the hard rock doom pop fish metal band Sea Lords - their 2 ½ year old son and two cats.

Please join Sara and all our other lords of the sea on Tuesday, June 3, 2014, upstairs at Hopleaf at 7:30 pm. This 21-and-older event is free.

Memorial Day is right around the corner, and a week and a day after that is Tuesday Funk. The 70th edition of your favorite eclectic monthly reading series will feature Claire Zulkey, Patricia Skalka, Sara Ross Witt, Theodore Goeglein and Ted McLelland. As always, Eden Robins and Andrew Huff are your humble cohosts.

The reading gets underway on Tuesday, June 3, 2014, at 7:30 pm in the upstairs lounge at Hopleaf, 5148 N. Clark St., Chicago. Doors open at 7:00 pm sharp -- but not earlier, as much as we'd like to let you in. Arrive early for a table and grab a beer from Mark at the bar. Arrive even earlier or stay afterwards for a full meal downstairs. Admission is free, but you must be 21 or older.

RSVP on Facebook and bring a friend. And hey, become a fan of Tuesday Funk on Facebook so you never miss an invitation to one of our readings. See you in June!

Co-host Andrew Huff gave folks another taste of his topical haiku at the May 6 edition of Tuesday Funk.

April ends with rain.
May begins with flowers, if
they're not waterlogged.

Free Comic Book Day!
May the Fourth be with you!
Total geek weekend.

We will be right back
after these messages for
racist old men.

Hot Doug's is closing
but not until October.
Get encased meats now!

There ain't no party like a Tuesday Funk #69 party, and a Tuesday Funk #69 party don't stop... until about 9:15pm. We started the night off right with an excerpt from Gint Aras's novel Finding the Moon in Sugar, about an American chasing his Lithuanian mail-order bride across the ocean. We followed that up with Jeremy Owens' rousing tale of dog ownership, and rounded out the half with Melissa Wiley's melancholy essay about loneliness and lovers.

Mark then took care of all of our beery needs.

Co-host Andrew Huff nearly incited a coup with his haiku about Hot Doug's imminent demise. Dustin Monk picked up the pieces with a fantastical tale about magic tea and cultural friction, and then James Finn Garner followed with a natural segue into an excerpt of his upcoming clown noir novel, second in the series about Rex Koko: Private Clown.

You are sorry you missed it. Don't be sorry again! We'll be back on June 3rd with guest stars Claire Zulkey, Patricia Skalka, Sara Ross Witt, Theodore Goeglein, and Ted McLelland!